I doubt myself.
Today I especially doubt whether or not writing into the Blog-o-sphere is a wise idea. Why? Because of fear. I fear the judgment of others.
However, today also I came upon an article by a priest where he quoted Luke 8:50. On hearing this, Jesus answered him, “Do not be afraid; just have faith and she will be saved.”
That Bible verse really clicked with me. Due to past experiences, I don’t give a lot of trust to others, at least not initially. The law may be ‘you are innocent until proven guilty’ but like the press, I tend to jump to ‘you are not innocent until you are proven not guilty.’
I admit to being hypocritical.
I judge others for judging others. I don’t like it when people vent and gossip about others. When people bitch and moan about “Joan is so needy” or “Jack is such a pain in the ass” without thinking about possible reasons for Joan or Jack’s being that way, I get impatient. If you would talk that way about someone behind their back to me, what are you saying about me to others?
As a cancer survivor, I also want to scream “Life is way too short to be complaining about Joan being needy or Jack being a pain in the ass! Go talk to Joan/Jack and deal with it!!” Like I said I’m hypocritical – bitching about the bitching.
We all have our battles and one of my battles is living more in the fuzzy gray area of life. No one is all saint. 👼🏼 No one is all sinner. 😈 Including me. 🙂
Writing this blog I am just trying to be more me.
I am banishing fear from my life. I am no longer awfulizing situations and instead focusing on best case scenarios. I do believe people are trustworthy and will have more confidence in others.
I also have an open mind but not so open it falls out of my head.
I’ve titled my blog “Bits & Pieces” because I am not the poster child for bipolar or cancer. My “All” is not everyone’s business and if I gave it I’d be hollow. I may wear my heart on my sleeve (because that is where I twinkle), but I am not naive.
My family has always been very open about mental illness. It was when I went out into the world and tried to be open about it that I was burned. At the end of the day, the only judgments important to me are those of God and my loved ones. 💕
I love Brené Brown. Google her name and you’ll find a lot of great inspiration. She helped me find the bravery to be vulnerable and the wisdom to protect my heart.