I Hate Autumn

On Second Thought…


The first time I had a Depressive episode was Labor Day of the year I turned 13.

I was out to dinner with my dad. He asked me how my day went and I burst into tears. Concerned he asked me what was wrong but all I could do was answer “I don’t know” while I hyperventilated. Every Autumn since, I’ve had to fight the demon that is Depression.

It’s that time of year again.

I am entering Fall with my usual trepidation and taking the necessary precautions to ensure good mental health: eating healthy, getting enough but not too much sleep, keeping active, staying in a routine, and being diligent about taking my medications including a Vitamin D supplement.

Autumn Bike Ride

One of my favorite ways to stay active is bike riding.

This summer has been especially beautiful for it filled with many days of warm sunshine. Last week I was out for a ride when on the path in front of me the wind blew and a shower of crisp dry leaves floated to the ground.

My heart sank. I felt sadness so acutely and tears came to my eyes. A semi-famous sports player recently Tweeted something to the effect that Depression isn’t real and that such crybabies need to suck it up. I wish that someone with beliefs like his could feel what it is like to be in my body at such a moment when I “leak tears” for no rational reason or am overcome with forceful emotions.

After crying in the woods over fallen leaves, I asked some friends for their wisdom about Autumn blues.

They gave me three things to do.

  1. Utilize essential oils/fragrances
  2. Clean my home with a pleasant vision of using each space in the colder weather adding blankets and pillows
  3. Decorate my home for the season with encouragement to make a special visit Hobby Lobby.

The biggest takeaway from my friends: Don’t psych yourself out over Fall; psych yourself up for it!!!

So I’ve started to Fall clean and am happy to report I am making steady progress.

I went out and bought a beautiful jar filled with cinnamon scented potpourri, some artificial Fall foliage, a handful of knick knacks, and a special pillow burnt orange embossed with leaves with “Thankful” on it. In every room, I’ve placed at least one item that cheers me: a trio of orange daisies in a tiny orange vase wrapped in burlap and tied with a straw bow,  miniature wooden squirrels holding sunflowers, garlands of golden warm burgundy leaves. My husband and I both have noticed how much more relaxed we feel embracing the Autumn slow-down in our decorated surroundings.

In addition to cleaning, I’ve also started a Favorite Things List to help psych myself up for Autumn.

My original list was rather limited, as you may have guessed, not even large enough for a “top 5 things”. For this reason instead of making routine small talk about the weather I’ve been asking “What do you like best about Autumn?” and adopting the nuggets I glean that ring true for me.

“Things I like about Autumn 🍂 Fall”

  • Pumpkin bread
  • Marching bands
  • Thursdays (when new movies are released)
  • Movie weather
  • Fireplaces
  • Hot chocolate
  • Hedgehogs
  • Squirrels
  • Chipmunks
  • Monarch butterflies
  • Wild flowers
  • Neapolitan tree leaves (green, red, orange, yellow)
  • Crisp scent of fall
  • Sound of leaves under my feet
  • Soft PJs
  • Layers
  • Fuzzy socks
  • Scarfs
  • Sweaters

Happy Autumn! Happy Autumn!


About Stephanie

I am old enough to know better and still too young to care. I like to look at the world through rose-colored glasses. I believe in eating cake, buying shoes, and taking trips.
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